Read: Ephesians 4:26 NRSV
Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger,
So, knowing that even Jesus was capable of anger makes us feel better about our own emotions, but Paul gives us more guidance on what to do with our anger. In the heat of the moment, it might be easy to lash out or say something that we don’t really mean. We must have enough mastery of our emotional state to avoid the temptations of lying, spite, and abuse. This, as I’m sure you know, becomes infinitely harder when the person you’re talking to feels no compulsion to avoid the same temptations. We are called to a higher standard.
Like Jesus, we aren’t here to get into verbal sparring matches with people who disagree with us or who make us angry. We can respond with conviction, but we must always respond with truth and love (and the greatest of these is love.) Apart from being the mature way to handle conflict, most people tend to match pitch with the level of gentleness we bring to an argument. Most people don’t like confrontation (there are exceptions), and if you help the other party frame the argument as a respectful dispute rather than a squabble, they usually will adjust their tone accordingly.
The other half of this passage provides guidance on the conclusion of the confrontation. If you are able to respectfully resolve the situation, then it needs to be done for good. Brooding on a past insult or slight is unhealthy and only leads to worse interactions. Even if there isn’t an immediate resolution, come back to the person after you’ve both had a chance to cool off and try again to make peace. Some separation from the heat of the moment may allow both of you to approach the situation with clear eyes and minds.
